Is India raising a generation of little emperors?

Shireen Saudamini Mubayi, the girl in the picture, is a single child. And while her parents are cautious about making sure they don't spoil their princess silly, they also admit Shireen has loads of relatives who're ever ready to indulge the little darling. Unlike fathers a generation ago, who hardly knew how old each kid in their brood was, Shireen's doting papa Adittya is super involved with his daughter — he knows the names of her favourite cartoon characters and even their patent lines!
Down south, a pair of doctor parents are facing flak from all over for making their only son perform a C-section in order to stake claim as the world's youngest surgeon.While Dileepan Raj's parents await trial, the fact of the matter is that they might not have dreamt such grand dreams for their son, had he been one of many children.
Attention, affection, expectation — the single child has to deal with them all. And while the first two seem pretty easy to handle, the last one can be quite a weight on their tiny shoulders. After all, did anybody bother to ask Dileepan if he'd rather wield a scalpel or just have a good time playing Nintendo?
Then, there are the spoilt brats. Those who throw temper tantrums when they're refused cola and chips. And who want the most expensive toy in the store and know just how much wailing will get it for them. No wonder there's an entire generation in China that's been labelled 'little emperors'. When the country restricted families to just one child in 1980, little did they realise they'd spawn a whole generation of spoilt, selfish kids who'd change how society functions. "The world that China's kids inhabit is a far cry from that of their parents. The earlier hardships are scarcely fathomable to today's TV-watching, French-fry chomping young," writes Lori Reese in Time magazine.
And it's not just that they're better off. They're better informed. Avid techies, with ready access to mobile phones, computers, gizmos and gadgets, these kids keep track of everything from food fads to music stars, computer games, movies and even exotic holidays. They grow into screenagers — teenagers who're entirely comfortable with a world of screens: particularly televisions, computers, digicams, ATMs, mobile phones...India connection?
Cut to modern-day India. Where DINKs are realising the importance of having or adopting at least one child. Enter the single child, who is, more often than not, born after both parents turn 30. Now junior here leads an interesting life. "He's the centre of his own universe. The parents are paranoid about him coming to any harm, so they protect him with all they have and give him all he wants," says ad man Prahlad Kakar. As a result, there's a whole lot of hyper-parenting — a child-rearing style in which parents are intensely involved in managing, scheduling, and enriching all aspects of their children's lives.
Market researchers have a name for the kid who is deemed by his or her peers to be the coolest in school or the neighbourhood — the alpha pup. More often than not, the alpha pup is an only child — spoilt for choice and pampered to the core. And so, what junior wants, the whole family gets. "Pester power rules. Each time a child's face lights up, a brand strikes gold. Kids drive sales, single kids even more," explains Kakar.
Spoilt, by choice...
Is a single child necessarily spoilt? "That's an incorrect generalisation. We see enough and more single children who are very sharing and cooperative. There is a likelihood of a single child becoming selfish because he is not exposed to the concept of having someone around all the time with whom he can share," says psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh, MD.
"However, selfishness is more likely to be an outcome of insecurity in the child. If he feels secure with his toys because his parents are hardly there or are busy fighting, then obviously he would not want to share them. The same can be equally true for a child with siblings."
Adds author Deepak Chopra, "It depends on the state of consciousness of the parents. Rabindranath Tagore once said 'every child that is born is proof that God has not yet given up on man'. Some of these single children will be spoiled brats and others will be great leaders."
Do the parents of a single child feel the pressure to pamper? "In a society where multiple kids are the norm, a
single kid would be seen with a twinge of guilt mixed with empathy (you know "awww, poor baby...") And so, parents and extended family tend to overcompensate for what they think the kid misses out on (sibling company) with the
Barbies, the Xboxes, the iPods... But why would that spoil a single child? Every child around has the same gizmos, the same pretty dresses. What would spoil a child is too much attention, too much harping on the fact that he or she is a single kid. I think parenting makes all the difference," reasons Shireen's dad Adittya Nath Mubayi.
China parallel?
Will India see a generation of Little Emperors all its own? "Probably not," says sociologist Shiv Viswanathan. "For starters, the one-child norm was enforced in China, whereas in India it's an informed choice. And those who're opting for only one child are usually professionals who have thought out the decision. Of course there will be the guilt of not being able to give that one child the time and attention it deserves, leading to a consumerist generation that gets what it wants. But we in India play too easily to stereotypes... A generation of single children will make for interesting characters. But far more than being selfish, there will be greater social changes such an increased emphasis on peer groups."
As Santosh Desai, CEO of Futurebrands and a father of two puts it, "In India, as it is there is a strong desire to live vicariously through your child. So while there will be lots of attention given to a single child, there will also be huge expectations from them."
Desai believe that in a country where there's a general hubbub of kids, with 'bachcha party' being a given almost everywhere, an abrupt transition to a generation of single children will upset the applecart. "The confusion that's likely to ensue is a high price to pay for this transition. And I'm not sure we're ready for such extreme investment yet."
anubha.sawhney@timesgroup.com